Sunday, August 26, 2012

For all participating in online dating, good luck...

In this case, the free ones, namely Plenty of Fish (PoF) and OkCupid.  I hate to admit I'm on these things and I wonder why I'm there since I never contact or chat with anybody there.  I've found that I wait long enough somebody will contact me and things seem to work out better that way.   I am sure there are plenty of women that are special to somebody but after a year or more you see the same suspects day after day and I assume they are having the same luck I am.  

These sites are straight forward, easy to set up a profile, send and receive emails, search and block any rowdies that might cross one's path.  They are free so expect to see ads on all pages.  Overall, OkCupid has a more sophisticated site design which fits well with what appears to be a higher class of people onboard, at least from my perspective of viewing women's profiles there.  Overall, lots of very attractive women with profiles that are well written and the photographs are generally good.  PoF seems to feature a looser crowd.  Many profiles are either badly written or minimalist in description, accompanied with poor quality images.  Even with the better photos it's not uncommon to see pictures of women proudly hoisting their bottles of beer or grinning away in biker chick garb mounted on Harley's.  A lot of women love displaying their body art too.  In other words, it's sort of like an online version of a trailer park.

Women love to point out that a loser is a male with or without a job that still lives at home with his parents.  This is something not accredited to females and is not considered a social stigma if you are living in Asian culture where everybody stays at home with parents till married.  If fact, loser status seems attached to men and I rarely see women given such a moniker.  

But really–if you are a an attractive woman, with a good education, successful career and all the material goodies that comes with it and you are on a free dating site then you are a loser.  I said it, it's out there...  And there are scads of pretty women listed on these sites with all the features I just listed.  I wonder what they are doing there unless our system of meeting each other is this badly broken.  Or perhaps people are just fed up with the traditional meeting places.  Never the less, the Internet is the biggest meeting place ever invented.

And the pickiness of these women on these free dating sites is something to behold.  These women, most of which in my age group (fifties) are divorced with kids.  Hey, guess what?  You are on a free Internet dating site because you can't meet anybody in real life.  We are all in that situation.  There is no problem with having standards  but don't reject a man for some picky little thing like height or that he has facial hair or no college degree and then whine to your girlfriends about the lack of quality men available.  Some women take this to extremes.  I read a profile of a woman in her early 40's with CP, on crutches and living with her parents, apparently unable to work.  Anyone involving themselves with her would have a host of issues to deal with.  Yet even she had a list of requirements for a man's appearance, bearing and age (in this case, a minimum of 6 years younger than she.)  Her forlorn situation in life did not prevent her from thinning down the herd and narrowing her prospects even further.  

I guess everybody is super special in their own super special way.

I had an incident a while back when I was contacted on Plenty of Fish by a really cool woman, divorced, no kids, 47, and very attractive and youthful in appearance.  She wrote in short snippets with no introduction or name so I didn't think this was going to last long.  She described herself as a "Jesus Freak."  I'm a Christian as well though I don't really ascribe to being a freak and don't know what it means other than a retro phrase from the 60's hippies that were rediscovering Jesus.  The first thing she wanted to know was if I was a regular church goer.  I am not for various reasons which I never related to her, and won't to somebody that is an anonymous Internet no-namer.  I deduced it was a deal breaker and it was.  I got an email a day later wishing me the best as she was looking for a fellow "Jesus Freak" of which I, apparently, am not.  I guess that makes me a second class Christian in her eyes.  At least I told the truth, but as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

But herein lies the problem.  Many women like this have a romantic vision of the man they want to meet, this quintessential person that doesn't really exist and they actually think they are going to find this man.  Women, and men as well, are quick to write somebody off when even the most minor of flaws are uncovered.  Many profiles start out with, "My ideal man would be..."  There is no ideal!  Their optimism is limitless and I fail to see what their hope is based on.  Even the less attractive have this ambition.  If you are not perfect then why seek perfection in another?  A common defect of the human ego and leads many to delusion.  It will only result in a lack of fulfillment and happiness.  No romantic relationship is perfect so don't be a dolt and actually think you might achieve it.  My parents knew this and they experienced their ups and downs but stayed in love and married 57 years.

One word of caution while being on these sites.  OkCupid in order to find matches for perspective dates has a series of questions to answer.  They are on a variety of topics and some involve very personal sexual matters.  There is a "skip" button to bypass anything you might be uncomfortable with.  However, some of the questions do get far out and I don't think are relationship centered.   I ran across some questions that were similar to data mining.  For example I saw a question in regards to whether or not you carried a concealed weapon other than a gun.  Another question wanted to know if you had attended political rallies or political protests.  I skipped those questions.  Does OkCupid forward this data to any third parties?  Such as Federal third parties?  It is not known but I'm not taking the risk.  One never knows who the trust anymore and who might be fronting for somebody else.  

So for all participating in online dating, good luck.